#mentalhealth Awareness Week

Mental Health is a touchy subject, yet it’s an important one. It should be spoken about more often; not just once a year. 

Mental Health seems to be an ongoing thing for myself. When I was about 5 or 6, I went through something traumatic and I have not seemed to recover from it. I "forgot" about it for a few years after, but as I got older and started to realise and understand what happened, I have not seemed to let it go. 

If I’m honest, it has affected my whole way of life and how I see things. I don’t think I go a day without thinking about what happened. The worse thing is, is that my parents are aware of what happened, and they haven't really done anything about it. My Dad found out a couple years ago cos my Mum told him (but not the full story) and I told my Mum a few years before. Me and my Dad had about a 10-minute conversation and it hasn’t been spoken about since. My Dads response was “just get over it”...yeah sure thanks I’m cured.

I cry myself to sleep thinking about it, about my parents and their actions towards it all and just everything. I imagine what it’d be like if I wasn’t here. Like anyone, I have my off days. It’s how you deal with them is what makes you stronger. I love this quote by Vex King and I 10/10 recommend getting his book ‘Good Vibes, Good Life’ by Vex King.

You have permission to:

- take a break so you can heal

- set boundaries to protect your nose

- move on from those who no longer serve you

- filter what you consume for your mental health

School was horrible for me, as I’m sure it was like for everyone. But for me, going to a predominantly white secondary school, it wasn’t fun. I was abused constantly cos of the colour of my skin, how I look, act, the whole lot. I never had Asian friends up until uni, so they never understand what it was like growing up. I wasn’t allowed to wear makeup until I got my second job, when I was 17 years old, and I had to wear makeup for work. I wasn’t allowed to style my hair, “talk to boys”, wasn’t allowed a phone or social media. I was kinda lucky cos my Mum would bleach my hair but when I told people that I do that they’d say I had a moustache or whatever. I retaliated a lot. Got into trouble a lot. I had to attend anger management classes cos of my behaviour (lol if everyone wasn’t such bullies, we wouldn’t have this problem now, would we?)

But I can’t seem to get away from the bullies. Home isn’t all that fun. I am constantly called fat, spotty or being compared to my relatives. It’s not fun. They say to me “do you want to get married cos I’m gonna find it difficult to find someone for you?” Like what? Sorry what? The fact they are more bothered about me being married off then my well-being is just...well it’s Indian families innit?

Let’s just say life hasn’t been fun for me, but I try to find stuff that makes me happy. I listen to podcasts, music, go out for walks, exercise...I do stuff for ME.

Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars

Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,

It's okay not to be okay

Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart

Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,

Just be true to who you are

Jessie J - Who You Are

Writing this was very challenging for me and I am not asking for sympathy. I am just writing from my heart and hoping it might help someone out there.

If anyone is going through a tough time, now more than ever, I am always here for a chat. 

Lots of Love

Sabrina X